Last time I saw the doc, he asked me a question (no, not that one, a
new one), and of course I answered yes, but I am not sure that my affirmative
response was completely based on empirical knowledge of the validity of the
affirmation being made. That’s one question. The other question is one I have
been asking myself a little lately, it is connected and again, I have no real
idea what the answer is, but at the same time no real wish to find out.
Which is odd. Because you would expect people to want to know, if there
were a real need, for example, whether they are capable of running or not. That
was question one. The doc asked me, “Can you run?”, presumably as a test of how
things are with balance and coordination. I said yes without thinking. And then
when I did think, I thought, well, can I? Can I, really? And the answer is, “I
don’t actually know”. I haven’t tried, really tried, for a while and I think
this is because although I have had reason to do so, I have not wanted to find
out what the real answer is.
Perhaps I should try. Just to clear things up.
But then, what if, in trying I realise I cannot? What does that mean
for the future?
So that’s question one. Question two is a very similar question and
one which I have been asking myself before the doc asked me his own question. I
am pretty sure that the answer to this second question would be “no”, but for
the same reasons as given above I have not really tried (and the opportunity
has not really presented itself). Question two is, do I reckon that I could
ride a bike today? Just the idea makes me a little cautious. I’d love to try,
but somewhere safe and soft. Because I am really not sure I’ll be able to stay
on.
It’s not going to be something I will miss, if I cannot, although it
would have been nice to go out cycling all together, with the girls (if we
could afford bikes). I think I have moved on from the bunnyhops and no hands
cycling in the early nineties, but I know I have at some point been a mean cyclist. So checkbox checked.
Anyway – there’s my two questions which have been in my mind since
June or earlier. And while I know that coming down is much harder, I know that
in August, I could still climb up to LO1 (600m altitude difference in 3km
horizontal, albeit with a ‘light’ pack) without too much trouble, these two questions
are there in my mind, every time I trip over my feet or lose my balance
momentarily on flat ground. I ask myself. And life goes on.
